Helping--Part two (If we don't give, other's can't receive)

Regarding the last post on receiving help when we need it, there is a flip side to this.  How many times have you seen someone who needed help?  Let's specifically talk about mothers needing help since mothering is what this blog is about.  There's the mother who just needs a minute alone and has no one to watch her children, the mother struggling at church with multiple kids, the mother at the grocery store who has to figure out a way to make it through the store in the motorized chair while she keeps track of her children and struggles to put things in the cart, and many more mothers with many more struggles.

So here's the point.  On my last post I discussed needing to accept help, but it is impossible to accept help if there is no one willing to offer help.  As mothers, it is very easy to get wrapped up in the day to day parts of our lives and the shuttling around of children, and look right past that fellow mother who needs help.  

Recently I have been involved with many different events and classes that are self empowering, including finding my purpose.  I don't mean religiously finding why I'm on the earth.  I know why I'm here.  I mean honing in on a particular skill set and talents that I possess to give while I am here.  Or in other words, the particular work I need to be involved with while I'm on the earth.  And as many of you probably know, I believe that I was born to be a mother.  I get immense joy from just spending time with my son.  People have made comments before about just getting through the time of him being a baby to when he will actually be fun.  And I think they are crazy.  I have enjoyed him and his company since day one.  Being his mom was what I was born to do.

But, all these classes have started me thinking.  Is there a slightly broader picture I can take with this?  Something I can do to give back to more people?  After I thought about it for a while something interesting came up.  Since my thing is being a mom, there has to be a way that I can help others in their journey to be better mothers.  And that is how this blog was born.

Here's the thing though.........

The more I thought about it, there was more that came up.

One day it fell into my head this idea.  A non-profit organization with a two fold purpose.  Purpose one being to raise funds to assist mothers in things that they cannot accomplish financially.  Meaning things like having trouble having a baby and needing money for IVF or adoption or simply just not having the money to provide Christmas for the children.  Purpose number two being development of classes that aid mothers in gaining the knowledge and empowerment that they are looking for.  

This is all a little overwhelming though.  It take time and money to do a non-profit........

The gestation of this is going to take a while.....

But then I had another realization.  I can ask for help.  I have a goal to help those who need help, and ironically the solution to being able to help is to ask for help.  So here it is.

Even though I do not have the non-profit set up yet and won't for a while, I can still help someone.  I can still do something small and decide that I want to provide at least part of a Christmas for a family.  And there is this single mother that I want to help.  She had to get out of an abusive relationship.  Her children's father has the genetics that give him a skin color that the children have inherited and gets them teased and looked down on.  Her son has autism.  Her daughter loves to dance but she has no money to pay for lessons.  So she volunteers at the daughter's dance studio in trade for the lessons.  They are struggling and it has been a while since they have actually had a Christmas.  And I want to do it for them.  I'm talking big, like $1000 worth of a Christmas.  But I don't have $1000.  So I am going to do a few things in the next couple months to try to raise $1000 for them.  

So here's what I am asking for.  I need to raise the money since I don't have it.  So if you are interested, I am taking donations.  I am not looking for one person to give me $1000.  What I am looking for is a group of people who can give in small chunks even if it is just $5 chunks.  Let me know if you just want to donate some money and I will set it up.  Or if you are willing to help out with something else, like a bake sale or something, let me know also.  I think this would be really awesome.

I don't have much to offer in return, the non-profit is not set up so I can't even get you a receipt for a tax write off.  You will get the blessings of serving and if you live close enough you are invited to be involved with the actual purchase and drop off of the presents.

Think about.  Let me know through the contact for that I have added on the right side of the blog.  Let your friends who might be interested know.  Together we can make a huge difference in one family's life.

Allowing others to help

UGH.... It's been a month....

Let's just say that there are times when life goes nuts and crazy and hard and you resort to doing the essentials because you are not quite sure you can handle anything else.  And it's those times that allowing others to help and assist where they can is essential.

To many mothers decide that they are the living embodiment of Superwoman and Wonder Woman rolled into one.  They need no help and can handle everything.  While it is true that women are AMAZING and have capabilities FAR BEYOND anything they give themselves credit for, there is a reason why we have each other while we are on earth.  This is not an invitation to slack on responsibilities and pawn your children off on other people.  It is an invitation to consider saying yes when someone offers to help.

Especially when life is hard.

So it light of that, I would like to thank a few people.

A delayed thanks to the woman at Walmart who paid for my stuff when the machine decided to not take my debit card that worked at every other store.  There was money in my account but that did not phase you.  It didn't matter to you if I had a million dollars in my account or if I was negative in my account.  You just saw a young mother who was trying to not get stressed out as she stood there holding her baby and wondering why her debit card would not work.  You made my day.

Thanks to my sister who noticed that I sounded a little down in one of my last blog posts.  Even though I didn't really need to talk about anything, you were the only one that said anything and that really means a lot to me that you reached out and offered to listen.

And lastly, thanks to a new friend of mine who emailed me with an offer to help the morning after I was up late with a sleepless baby, praying for help.  You are the answer to a prayer and I am really grateful for your offer.  You and your husband are good people.

So the lesson of the last month is that I am not Superwoman.  And as awesome as it would be to be Wonder Woman so I could have her invisible jet, I'm not her either.  I do my best and that is good.  I am an awesome mother and I am grateful for the support systems in my life.  And I take the time to offer to help those people that I can.  We are truly a network of women who are amazing when we work together.  Together we are a superhero.

My Mini Accountability Partner

Let's be honest and get real here.  I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  I did not want to go for a run.  Left to myself I probably would have rather drowned myself in chocolate while watching reruns of some terrible show.  But, that's not what happened today.

If you are wondering why I did not give in and call it a day before the day even started, it's because I have this adorably cute mini accountability partner.

He needed to get out of bed and eat breakfast so I got out of bed and ate breakfast (and no it did not include chocolate).  He loves to go outside, so we went for a run. And while I was at it I figured I might as well take a shower so he doesn't have to snuggle up to my stinky sweat all day.  And since I got clean I figured I might as well get ready for work and go to work since my sweet little boy does need diapers and wipes and such.

So as I end the day today I am going to admit that it wasn't necessarily my best day and I wasn't supermom today but it went a whole lot better than it could have.  I actually made healthy choices and did things that I was supposed to do (I even loaded the dishwasher!) because of a little boy, my little boy.

There are many things about the last dayish that I do not want to do again, but as I get ready to go to bed I do feel an immense amount of gratitude for my son.  God, in His divine wisdom, saw it fit that I have a dear sweet little boy as my son for many reasons.  Today, one reason, was so that I could be a functioning person and not completely loose it.  When I need to have someone around he was there to snuggle and play and read books and do music time.  Earlier I wrote about how I am the perfect mom for him, and today I gained a better realization that he is the perfect son for me.

I am so grateful.

Mommy Lesson From My Mentor (no he doesn't know I'm doing this and yes I said he)

About a week ago I was in the middle of a high adventure ropes course have my life changed and standing next to my mentor's wife, I looked over and saw him calming a baby.  We were all walking across things and climbing other things and facing fear and doing the amazing.  I made a million memories but one of my top ones did not involve walking on fire, breaking arrows over my throat, walking on glass, or jumping out of trees.  One that made the top of my list was watching my tall, incredibly in shape, very dynamic mentor take a moment and calm a little baby.

There is something so special about babies that a multi-millionaire would take a moment of his time to hold one that doesn't even belong to him.  During that three day intensive course we talked a lot about reaching our full potential, living our true purpose, and eradicating limiting beliefs that hold us back.  I feel like I made great strides in my own personal life during those three days.

So what does this have to do with babies?

At one point my mentor held up the same baby during lecture time and spoke about how pure she is.  She doesn't have a bunch of limiting beliefs.  If we become like her (or any baby for that matter) then we strip away all of the mess that is imposed on us from the world and ourselves and become more pure beings who can live our true purposes more inline with promptings and intuition.

So what does this have to do with mothers?

I left these three days with a stronger desire and commitment to work on myself, but also a stronger desire and commitment to be a better mother.  I consider myself to be a quite good mother, but I've had a realization that due to my limits on my skills I can inadvertently cause some negative effects on my son.  I know that I am doing my best and that my best is good, however, I now have a desire to learn more and function better as a mother so my best can be even better.  I know that there is no way that I can be perfect but as long as I am striving to live true to what I know is right then I will be doing my best.  And that will have more of a positive effect on my son than a negative effect.

The more I become aware of this and desire this, the more I see around me evidence of mothers unconsciously creating situations that could cause problems later.  We sometimes get ourselves so wrapped up in our limiting beliefs that it causes us to project them on to others.  For example, have you ever seen a mother who is obviously stressed and not able to share what is stressing her out chastise or ignore her child because the child is crying?  Her inability to communicate shuts out her child who really is just trying to communicate.  Then as the child grows older they learn that they can't communicate in the natural way so the crying because whines and eventually the parents are shut out from the feelings of their children.

But before you feel too bad, please remember that there was probably an event in your past that caused you to feel the way you do.  This is not necessarily about pointing blame somewhere.  It's about breaking the cycle.  It's about shedding your limiting beliefs so that you can be there for your children in a more whole state.  It's about consciously creating the best mothering skills you possibly have to help consciously mold the best children possible.

Teething

The dreaded eight letter word.  Forget four letter words..... For most moms the scariest word has eight letters.

Teething....

The fun process of watching your child cry as a mouthful of teeth push through their swollen little gums.  It's like wisdom teeth but in your baby and on and off for months.  Some mom struggle with teething because they can't stand the crying for that long.  It sets off a chain reaction for some women that ends up with them wanting to leave the house and not come back or hide in a corner of a sound proofed room, eating chocolate.

But handling crying appropriately is another post for another day.  Because teething is not just about crying.  Your poor baby suddenly can't sleep as well because his mouth hurts.  And he won't eat certain things because his gums hurt.  And if he swallows too much mucus from his now runny nose then there is a great risk of throw up resembling Mount Vesuvius coming out of his dear little mouth.  And add all that up and what do you get?  A helpless little baby who doesn't know how to handle all the pain and is very particular about who holds him and how long he is held and if he lets you put him down then how far you are allowed to be away from him.

Before we get too far into the negatives of the blessed time of life, let's not forget that this blog is about the magic times of mommy-hood.  And I strongly believe that there is a way to have most if not all of the times be magical.  So where does teething come into play?

Honestly, I don't get all stressed from an inability to handle side effects of teething.  I have never wanted to hide in the corner and eat chocolate.  Somehow I was blessed with the ability to hear crying without getting all stressed out and then to calm a crying child.  However, even though I can handle the side effects without much stress, I still don't love this time in my son's life.  And the reason is because it hurts my heart to see him in pain.  He handles it pretty good compared to what I hear from other moms, but it still makes me want to cry to see him in pain.

But there are positives.  Since I love my son and love being with him, it is a huge bonus to me that he has become even more of a momma's boy since all of this started.  True I don't get much more done around the house, but I do get more snuggles from the cutest little baby around.  And I count it as a positive that I am better developing my ability to sense what he wants.  Because when a baby is teething he becomes very particular about what he wants.  And I count my blessings that he could be worse.  He really is a good little boy.  He has just become my buddy even more.  And I love that!

So bring on the teeth!  And once they are all in and he is old enough we'll sit around and eat chocolate together!

Protecting what matters most

In Memory of Katie Hancock

Last Thursday was a rough night for the city that I live in.  A horrible accident happened that took the life of an innocent 15 year-old.  Even though I never met her, she has been on my mind a lot the last few days.  I can't even imagine how her dear family feels right now.  I cannot imagine what her mother is going through. All I know is that I am so grateful to have a healthy and happy son right now and that my heart goes out to the Hancock family as they laid their lovely daughter to rest today.

As I think about the past events of the last few days I can't help but think about the value our children have in our lives and what we as mothers would be willing to do to protect them.  I know I am fiercely protective of my son.  Last Sunday he rolled off of the bed and it took me a while to stop shaking once I picked him up and settled him down.  I felt terrible that I did not take better precautions to protect him better.  And I know once he gets older it will just be more and more that I desire to protect him from.  And that gets me thinking about how to handle it when I cannot protect him from everything.

I cannot protect him from the actions of others.  I will not be able to be standing by him for every decision he makes in his life to protect him.  I cannot protect him in all situations that he will be in.  And that makes a part of me want to wrap him up in bubble wrap and not let him ever leave the house.  But that is not the point of life.

So then what do we do?

So I teach my son what is right and what is wrong.  I assist in instilling in him a desire to do what is right. I teach him about the world so that he might be protected from what comes his way.  And during and after I do all that I can, I can get down on my knees and pray for his protection.  And maybe this will help me to be able to trust that when I send him out of the door that nothing will happen unless it is supposed to and trust that I have taught him well how to make good decisions.  And maybe, just maybe, it will be slightly easier if he ever breaks his arm or runs into a tough situation.  Maybe it will be a little bit easier to not blame myself and to just move on.

I am just..... Creating Limitations

Our minds are very powerful.  We create realities off of what we believe and beliefs off of what we think and say.  So why do we limit ourselves?

The other day a customer came through my line at work and she said something.....

"I have just two kids."

That little word, "just," drives we crazy sometimes.  Interestingly enough, the customer picked up on the connotation behind her sentence right after she said it.  She does not "just" have to kids.  She has two kids.  There is no reason to limit and down play what she does and what she has.  Having two kids is awesome!  Two kids is so much more than having zero kids.  But for some reason, women feel the need to create limitations on what they do just because it does not seem as grandiose as what other women do.  This is especially prevalent when a woman becomes a mother.  A woman might know another woman who is able to do it all, who has a job and kids.  Then she describes herself as "just" a stay at home mom.  Do you know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom?  Those of you who are stay at home moms do.  And those of you that are stay at home moms might what to consider that the mother with a job might be jealous of you.

In the end it doesn't matter what other mothers do.  You are special and important based off of what you do.  The comparison is not necessary.

And that little word "just" should be deleted from the vocabulary of mothers.  You are not just something and you do not have just something.  It is okay to feel like there is a void in your life that needs to be filled.  Someday I hope to have more children.  But right now I am not "just" the mother of one child.  That creates limitations for me and what I want for the future may never come to pass if I believe that I am "just" the mother of one child.  What I am is the awesome mother of an amazing little boy who loves the stage of life she is in and is grateful for every moment.  And the more I live up to that, the more I give myself permission to expand on that and eventually I will have more children.  I have the power to live a more limitless life.

To the Mother of My Son's Future Wife

To the Mother of My Son's Future Wife,

I have been thinking a lot about you lately.  When I'm out in society, especially at work, I see all sorts of examples of mothers and what their daughters are becoming.  As I am not yet a mother of a daughter, it naturally leads me to think about you because I am interested in the types of girls my son will have associations with.

We as women really have a responsibility to leave a legacy in our children.  What type of legacy are you leaving in your daughter?  Will she grow up strong and confident, knowing she is worthwhile and beautiful or have you instilled in her insecurity and fear that will cause problems in her future relationships?  I know she will have the agency to make her own choices, but what kind of teachings does she have at her core?

The other day at work I saw a mother and a daughter in the line next to mine and was concerned.  The daughter was proceeding to pull up her short shorts up to make them even shorter.  She even checked to make sure they were just barely low enough to not actually show her butt.  All the while her mother stood right next to her, looking in the opposite direction, appearing oblivious to her daughter's actions.  Women need to teach their daughters that wearing revealing clothing is not required to be beautiful.  In fact, it often times can attract the wrong type of men who will help them have issues thinking they are beautiful.  Is see so many women at work who feel the need to show it all off in an effort to be beautiful.  There are enough women like this in the world.

Recently I saw the following video:

This video makes me wonder what your daughter thinks it means to do thinks "like a girl."  Does she know that just because she is a girl that she doesn't have to diminish herself, act ditsy and dumb, and not do things to the best of her ability?  This one is a hard one for me because this is a big problem.  You may have been taught wrong what is means to be a girl and this will have rubbed off of your daughter.  Or maybe you were taught right or decided to break a cycle and your daughter knows what it is like to be a strong and powerful female who can do whatever she wants.  Girls need to be taught that just because they are a girl does not mean that they cannot do things well.  Phrases like "you throw like a girl" need to be deleted from our speech because it should only be that I do things like me and to the best of my ability.

And please consider the message of this next video when you teach your daughter about her relationship with the world.



Does she know that she does not need to apologize when she didn't do something wrong?  Women are very quick to apologize and to take all the blame in every situation, even when there is no blame at all.  She does not have to apologize for having an opinion and being a contributing member of society.  She does not have to apologize for being who she is and she definitely doesn't have to apologize because she thinks she is getting in the way of others.  The one and only time she needs to apologize is if she actually did something wrong.

Someday I hope to be the mother of a daughter and to have the ability to teach her not only what is morally right and wrong but also what is right and wrong with being a woman.  Until that day when I have that opportunity, I can only think about you and hope that you are teaching your daughter to become the kind of girl I want my son to marry.

Sincerely,

The Mother of Your Daughter's Future Husband

Bed Time and Curfews

Working in a grocery store, I have the chance to see many families in different situations.  There are people with no kids, people with lots of kids, people with loud kids, people with quiet kids, and just about every other situation imaginable.  From almost the beginning of working there I started to be amazed by one of the situations.  Kids in the store around dinner time makes complete sense to me.  But, why is there children in the store after 9:00 pm? 

I'm not talking about teenagers that have later curfews.  I'm talking about little babies in their pajamas and 10 year-olds in the store with no adults.  I'm not saying that 10 year-olds need to be supervised all the time, but the other night there were some kids in the store with no adults later than some teenagers have curfews.  And what about the little babies and toddlers who have no choice?  Their parents drag them out of the house because of a "need" for food at 10:00 pm and they have no control over whether they leave the house or go to bed.

The more I think about all this though, the less it makes me mad.  I feel sad for the little kids who are obviously tired and need to go to bed.  But, looking at my own situation tells me that I don't know their stories and their reason for going to the store so late and dragging their children along with them.  My son goes to bed about the same time every night, but there are times that everything does not go according to plan.  Just the other night family was over at our house and my son decided that he did not want to go to bed while fun people were over at our house.  Even though he tired, he got so excited by them being there that he could not sleep.  In fact, when everyone left he was still going strong.  The quickest way to get him to sleep was to go for a drive.  So we drove the 3 minutes to the grocery store, bought a quick treat, and by the time we drove the three minutes back he was asleep.  And this all took place after 9:00 pm.  I became one of those mothers in the store after 9:00 pm with my sleepy kid in his pajamas.

And it definitely could be worse.  I am grateful that the kids are with them rather than the parents being at the store and the kids being home alone.  It is more safe for the kids to be with their parents than home alone.

So yet again, I have decided that I cannot judge the other mothers around me.  I have my own ideas about bed time and curfews but since I am only the best mother for my son I don't have the power to decide if my ideas are good for someone else.  As long as the kids are safe and treated well then they really are not in harm.  And as hard as it is for me some times I have to let others do what they deem right and let go of the bad feelings towards other people.  They don't have to act the way I do.

Beware the Mommy Pride

I have to be honest.... I almost didn't write this post.

But, it keeps playing over and over in my head, so I think I really need to share it.

The other day I heard something about someone else (details not important) and almost immediately I was able to witness a conversation in my head between what I later recognized as my true self and some pride that was trying to sneak it.  The conversation went something like this:

PRIDE:  Hey you are just as good, if not better.  You should do that.
SELF:  But I don't really want to.
PRIDE:  Yes you do.  You want to do that so that you look better and people know that you are smart and important.
SELF:  But I don't really like that.
PRIDE:  Come on, it's not about liking.  It's about looking smart and important.  And you are cool and accepted if you are smart and important.  Don't you want everyone to like you?
SELF:  Seriously?  This is not going to work.  I recognize who you are.  You are pride and you are trying to get in the way of what I am really supposed to do and what my true purpose is.  If I believe you, I will get stuck in a situation that I don't like and will be super stressed because I am living out of alignment.  I am a mother and that is my purpose.  Anything that distracts or derails me from that is not my purpose is not something that I am going to indulge in.  I want to do things that highlight my purpose.  Thank you very much, keep your mouth shut, and have a nice day.

I am just grateful that I was able to recognize that one of these voices was pride.  And the more I reflected on this happening the more I saw the temptation to be have pride when it comes to being a mom.  Pride can sneak in in so many different ways.  There are two big ones that can really get in the way of being a good mom.

First, like my experience above, is the prideful temptation that we are not good enough being a mother.  Now there is a difference between feeling like it is your purpose to have an additional thing you do, but for many of us there is the pull to worldly glory that distract from what we are really supposed to be doing.

Second, is the temptation to have pride in our children.  And I don't mean being proud of your children for doing something good.  I mean comparing your children to other children in an effort to make them look better and then in turn have more worldly glory that you are better because you have the better children.

See the pattern here?  WORLDLY GLORY.  Being a mom is not about what the world thinks.  Being a mom is about being the best you can be and helping your children to become the best they can be.  Just beware that the closer you get to becoming your best, the more pride will try to sneak in.  Pride does not want you to actually be your best.  Pride wants you to fail.  So stay strong!  Beware the Pride and live for those that really matter!

World's Okayest Mom?

If I asked you to fill in the blank in the following sentence "I am the world's ______est mom," what would you say?

Prettiest?
Smartest?
Nicest?
Coolest?

What about Okayest?  I saw a lady the other day with a shirt on that said, "World's Okayest Mom."  At first I laughed a little and wanted to tell her that I liked her shirt.  I saw the shirt as an honest truth that no one is the World's Best Mom.  There is always some mother out there that is better, right?  And if it's not enough that we have to measure up to real women there are TV women out there that definitely are better moms.  Seriously, what do I have that matches up to June Cleaver and does Carol Brady ever get mad?  Compared to those two and the several awesome real mothers out there in the world, I am sure I wouldn't get the prize for the World's Best Mom.

Or would I?

I thought struck me with such force that I had to share it with my husband and I feel compelled to share it with you now.  This though stopped me from telling this lady that I liked her shirt.  In fact, this thought made me do a 180 and now I don't like the shirt at all.

I am the World's Best Mom.

Guess what?  You are too.

And how are we all the World's Best Mom?  Because you are the best mom for your kids.  I am the best mom for my son.  If I wasn't the best mom for him then he would be in a different family.  God picked me to be his mother.  And if I was hand picked out of the millions of mother's out there in the world to be the mother of my son, then I must be the World's Best Mom to him.  I am fully expecting there to be times in his life where he doesn't really appreciate what I do or my opinion, but there is something about him and something about me that make the match of the two of us the best for us.  We won't always do everything perfect or make all the right choices, but that is not what being the best is really about.  Being the best is about being the best suited for the job.  And I am not asked to be the mother off all the children in the world.  Right now I am asked to just be the mother of my son.  Someday there may be other children that I get to mother, but right now it's just the two of us.  And it's pretty cool.

Why?  Because we are the best fit for each other.  Because in our little world, he is the best son and I am the best mother.  We fit together better than either of us could fit with any other existing mother or son.  We make one awesome team.

I would like to take a moment and acknowledge that there are some mothers who do not treat their children well.  These mothers started out with the potential to be the best mother for their children, but refused the job.  And many times these children are taken away and put into different homes for a shot at finding their own new World's Best Mom (even if it's just a foster mom).

Assuming that none of you are such mothers, I would like to say, give yourself a break sometimes.  Do your best and don't beat yourselves up.  As long as you are striving to do your best, you are your child's World's Best Mom.  Even when they don't agree, it's still true.

So embrace it.  Love it.  Shake off the mediocrity that tells you that you are no good and you cannot be more than the World's Okayest Mom.  Accept your calling.

And be the Best.

Independent or Slave?

For most women there is a period of time in between childhood and being a mom.  As a single adult/newly married but not yet pregnant adult, we often time develop a strong sense of independence.  Many relish the time as a time of independence where they can make their own decisions and not have to be bound to what other people want.  I remember my grandmother telling me that she loved the time between getting married and when she had children because my grandfather would go to work and she was free to do whatever she wanted to.

It is understandable why some women would feel this way.  On the surface it looks like we go from free to go anywhere we want and do anything we want to being bound by soccer practices, diaper changes, dinner time, homework, snacks, school carpools, and more.  This overview really does make it look like a woman goes from being free to being a slave.  We as mothers can often feel like we are bound by the wished of our children.  And then, when all you energy is gone, you husband is going to want something.  There is little time left for manicures and women's night out to the movies.

But is it really that way?

When I dive a little further into it, I start to wonder if it is actually the other way around.  Does having a child actually makes us more free and happy?  True we are not technically "independent" since we are no longer doing things alone, but we are not slaves.

First off, for most of us we chose to be in our situation.  I don't know too many slaves in history who found a master and said, "Oh will you please make me your slave?  I really want to be under your control and be your slave."  It just didn't happen.  (And if any of you are thinking that you technically didn't choose to have a child because the pregnancy was a surprise.... well someone had to participate in the act that got you pregnant in the first place....)

And let's look at the child's activities that make us feel so enslaved in the first place.  The diaper got changed because you chose to change it rather than let it leak all over the place, you child goes to soccer practice because you choose to let him or her be on the team, you drive for carpool because you chose to be part of a carpool so that you don't have to drive every day, and you choose to help your child with homework so that they can get a better grade.  Everything we do in life is still because we choose to do it.  

Here's what the real difference is.

As a mother I have the choice to do things that make a real difference.  True I could do to the movies before any time I wanted, but me going to the movies does not actually make any difference in the world.  But, when I choose to help my son become a good person, that makes a difference in the world.  I now have the freedom to choose what I want to do with my son and thus how I want to help him grow up.  I am not his slave, I am one to lead him and guide him and walk with him down the path that hopefully leads to him becoming a successful adult who makes a difference in the world.

I am amazed at one of my sisters who home schools her children.  Not because she has the patience to be her children's teacher, but because she is choosing to take the time to make a difference in her children's lives and therefore change the world.

My own mother has made a huge impact on the world through her eight children.  We are now all in different places in our lives, but we are all educated and able to think for ourselves.  We are capable of getting jobs if needed and all of her daughters are now mothers, making their own impact on the world.

My same grandmother who relished the time before having children is now gone.  But, before she passed she was once free to do whatever she wanted again.  My grandfather has already passed and no one else lived with her.  But, she now was focused on something else.  She always wanted to know what we were all doing and often said that she didn't like how we lived so far apart.  She saw the fruits of her choices and saw what a real difference in the world she was able to make.  

Breaking Down

It is a fact of life that no matter how much you love what you do that if you take on too much or get your priorities out of whack you will eventually break down.

The other day I was shown something that really triggered me.  It is really simple in theory, but potentially really emotionally unsettling.  It goes like this....

Your priorities of relationships are supposed to go like this:
1.) Your relationship with your Creator
2.) Your relationship with yourself
3.) Your relationship with your family
     a. Spouse
     b. Children
4.) Your relationship with everyone else
5.) Your relationship with objects

After hearing this list, at first I was okay.  It seems simple enough.  One allows you the ability to have the next and so on.  But then the thoughts started to build in my subconscious.  What if I'm not in balance?  What if I want more priority with one?  And is time and priority are not the same then how do I strengthen one?  And if I want to strengthen one does that come from strengthening the ones above it or from giving less to the ones underneath?  And why is this ANOTHER reminder that I tend to skip right over #2 and then wonder why I end up feeling overworked and depressed and stop doing anything except the essentials (like taking care of my son)?!?!

AND, my digestive issues flared up again.........

THEN, my husband is into emotions having physical manifestations and wanted me to find out what emotion could cause a flare up of digestive issues.....

SO, I googled it....

Normally I love to look things up and learn, but this time I found out that stress and anxiety manifest in the digestive tract.  And I lost it.  Something about reading that along with actually feeling stress and anxiety about a few different things made me totally loose it.  I cried and cried.  And it was one of those thing where all the emotions that were hiding come spilling out and it really can't be stopped until it's done.  The next day I was still feeling kind of raw.  But, taking care of my son makes me feel better.  He is awesome and makes my days where it is just the two of us awesome.

Do you ever do that (hold it all in and then breakdown)?  I think it is a woman condition that potentially gets worse when children are introduced into the picture because it just adds one more relationship to prioritize.  And we all have moments in our lives that we feel so altruistic thinking that we are a better mother and a better wife and a better woman if we skip ourselves and take care of everyone else.  (Side note: Please try to not skip yourselves completely.... People will appreciate it if you at least take a shower.  On the other hand, figuring out the balance is better than skipping yourself at all.)  So we all develop coping mechanisms that help us when the emotions break (mine is usually crying).

But, I can't help but wonder if we would all function better if we could balance the priorities better.  Like when I make sure to do my hair and look cute after taking a shower because I feel better then (even if it means having my son watch me do my hair).  Then I at least feel good about myself instead of adding that into the emotional fix.  It just might help.

Unless Aunt Flo is coming, then you might just be out of luck.

Mommy Intuition

I remember a night when my son was just a couple days old, we were still in the hospital, and he was struggling to go back to sleep after a feeding in the middle of the night.  You are probably thinking right now something to the effect of, "So what?  Isn't that what babies do?"  But for me this night was the first time I ever experienced what I want to call Mommy Intuition.  Right after he was born my son would always fall asleep while nursing.  It got so bad that the lactation consultant told my husband to tickle him while he was nursing so he would eat enough.  But that night he ate all he wanted and was still awake.  Struggling to know what to do, I had a very clear thought pop in my head that said that my son did not like the light from the computer monitor in the room.  Sure enough, as soon as I turned the monitor light off, he settled down and went right to sleep.

Throughout the months since then, I have had many such moments where I just seemed to know what my son needed.  Just the other day we were in a meeting and Rex was with us, playing on a blanket on the ground.  I heard him coughing and looked over just in time to see him throw-up.  (Just in case someone doesn't know, the only real visible difference between spit-up and throw-up in a baby is quantity.  Other than that it looks the same.)  The other two people in the room dismissed it off as spit-up and that was just something babies do.  But there came the Mommy Intuition again, telling me that the quantity was too much for spit-up and something was wrong.  I grabbed my son a proceeded to inspect him while trying to keep talking for the meeting.  I soon saw a foreign object in his mouth and started trying to figure out how to get it out since he was struggling against my efforts.  We finally got it out and discovered that he had coughed and threw-up because he was attempting to chew on and swallow a small piece of a diaper.  (Even know I'm not sure where the piece of diaper even came from....)

And then this morning while I was going to the bathroom, something told me that I needed to hurry because my son was going to need me.  Just seconds later he burst into tears.  I quickly finished and ran into the living room to find that he had rolled across the floor and bonked his head on the rocking chair.

It is my assumption that this happens with most, if not all, mothers as long as they are listening.  There is something that in implanted/awakened/noticed inside of a women when her child is born.  Something that bonds the two of them together in a way that allows the mother to be able to remarkably know things about her child that no one else may even notice.  Some might see it as a coincidence, others may call it a "gut-feeling," but I believe that it is so much more than that.  As a religious person, I believe that my son was sent to me from God.  And as a child of God, he would be sent to people that can help him.  That combined with the mother spending every minute of 9 months getting to know her baby while he grows means that she not only knows him or her better than anyone but she also has been blessed with a gift from God to be able to take care of one of His children.  This is an awesome responsibility.  My goal is to be able to keep listening so that I can have my Mommy Intuition even when he gets older and can talk.  Talking does not replace just knowing.

Diaper Change Time

Of all the struggles that mother's have with their babies/toddlers, it is ironic to me that one of the biggest ones for some mothers is when it is time to change a diaper.  It becomes a power struggle between a parent with good intentions and a child that just does not want to sit still.  Some parents have such a hard time that it takes two grown adults to change the diaper of one toddler.

In all fairness to the wiggly babies and out there, it seems like it would be very hard to sit still.  I watch my son as he gets older and he gets extremely interested in things out off his reach and across the room.  Everything is amazing to him.  Earth is a new and exciting place with so many things to look at and touch.  So if I ask him to lay there and not move while I free him of a dirty diaper, that might not always go as planned.  Taking the dirty diaper off frees him of a main discomfort and makes him even more interested in getting to the interesting things all around him. So then I am left trying to figure out how to get him into the next clean diaper when he just wants to wiggle and roll over.  And let's not forget that he is a little ball of energy.  As he approaches being able to crawl the energy is building up, getting ready to take off.

I can win this battle though.

The trick though is winning without bodily fluids that are supposed to be deposited in the diaper ending up somewhere else.  This part of the battle does not always happen.  There have been several times that extra wipes have had to come out to wipe up the remnants of a rouge stream.

So I have to come at it with a good offense.  

My son has multiple toys that sit by the diaper changing station that are used only while diaper changes are happening.  The idea behind this is that maybe if I hand him a toy he hasn't seen for a few hours then he will be interested enough to be distracted.  Other times I talk to him while his diaper is being changed.  It amazes me how much more likely he is to relax and stay still if I ask him to relax his legs while I am trying to get them to bend.  And when all else fails, the best offense is a good defense.  Hurry and cover what might cause issues being uncovered.  Most of the time this means hurry and put a new diaper on.  But hurrying can only get you so far.

So I do my best and laugh when it doesn't go so well.  And I remember that he is little and doesn't really understand the importance of having a clean diaper.  I also remember that there are times in my life when someone asks me to do something I don't understand the reasoning behind and I want to symbolically wiggle and roll away.  But, just like I know better than my son does about changing diapers, there are people out there that know more about what is best for me.

Anxiety--Don't Quit!

So it's been two weeks since my last post.  In many ways a kind of long and hard two weeks.

But now I think I am ready to write the post that has been brewing inside of me for two weeks and I have been putting off writing.  I want to talk about something that I believe all moms go through at some point in their "career" of being a mom.  Let's discuss ANXIETY for a moment.

Anxiety is one of those weird things that some people hardly struggle with and others are almost debilitated by.  I know people that have to take medication for anxiety because they just can't function.  Others have periods of their lives that have more anxiety than others.  And yet others have random moments in their lives that are punctuated by slight situation anxiety.  Several years ago a developed slight anxiety attacks at the sight of a police officer.  Prior to this period of time I had never been pulled over by a police office and had never been part of an accident where a police officer was called.  Then in the period of about 8 months I was pulled over twice, in two accidents, and saw someone I knew get arrested for a minor offense.  All of the sudden the anxiety came.  It made driving a little interesting when the sight of a police officer would cause my chest to tighten and it became hard to breathe.

With all the forms of anxiety out there I would like to focus a little on the anxiety that comes with being a mom.  Mommy anxiety can come at any time in a child's life and for almost any reason.  Let's face it, in most instances, the child grew inside of you so you are very attached to him or her.  So facing leaving a child, a night where a child doesn't come home on time, a serious illness, and many other things would naturally cause some anxiety.  And it gets worse if you watch the news.  There are so many crimes committed involving children that it seems only natural that anxiety could grow just based on watching the news.

So recently I had the opportunity to go to an awesome seminar.  But here's the catch.  Children are not supposed to come.......

Oh......

Having never left my son for more than a couple hours, the idea of leaving him for a whole day was suddenly unbearable.  The anxiety was terrible and I became emotional combining the anxiety with the stress of several other things I am trying to figure out/accomplish right now.  My son sometimes refuses to eat from a bottle if I am not home, I really don't like it if he cries himself to sleep, and really can I trust someone to take care of him that long?  Let's face the facts.  He's a momma's boy in a lot of ways.  So how could I just drop him off somewhere and leave him for an entire day and then proceed to come home from the conference and go to work and not see him at night?

But on the other hand, how could I not go?  The seminar was for some investments that we are looking into.  My husband really wanted me to come and I need to support him.  So I forced myself to go.  I left him with my mother-in-law and headed out.  I cried on the way to the seminar.

But at the seminar I saw this video clip:




I'm going to be honest.... I cried again.  So many things are mind games!  I can do so much more than I think I can!  I can push through the anxiety and do things that are right.  I still think that my son needs to be with his parents the majority of the time, but when anxiety arises I can push through and do the right thing (whatever that is for the situation).

I have to remember that I once lost 40 lbs in 4 months mostly exercising.  At the end of the four months I could do squat-presses while standing on an exercise ball and one armed push-ups.  I am amazing.  YOU are amazing!  We can push through almost anything further than we think we can.  We just have to find the right frame of mind, tools, and support system.  We need to find our own blindfold.

The end of the story is my son is fine.  He didn't eat as much as he should have but he is fine.  My husband graciously let me cry and supported me as I figured out how to push through.  It is okay.  I am okay.

Note: If you suffer from a serious form of anxiety please push through by talking to your doctor.

Screaming Children and Perspective

There was a part of might night that went somewhat like this.....

I was at work and things were nuts.  There was something in the air causing people to act a little dumb, employees (myself) included.  When I got to work there was hardly anyone in the store and I foolishly wished that it would continue.  However, my wish was not granted.  Not even close.  Person after person came through my line and I didn't get my break until 30 minutes later than it was supposed to be.  Tired and needing some quiet and headed over to use the bathroom.  The front bathroom was a little dirty so I headed to the back.  On my way back a child somewhere in the store started to scream.  Now I'm not talking about a whining, I'm talking about full force, top of lungs, sounding like she's horrifically hurt screaming.  Finally making into the back room, I took refuge in the bathroom hoping for some quiet.  Instead the child's piercing screams even made it there.  As I listened to her scream, I had the though that her mother really needed to take her out of the store.  Instead she came through my line just after I got back with the said child sitting in the basket, tears streaked down her face, devouring a cookie.

Now I want to stop for a second a get a little opinion from you readers.

How should parents handle upset kids while shopping?

In the past, my answer to this poll would be a resounding get your child out of the store immediately.  But, I'm not so sure now.  What if the real answer is that it depends on the situation?  Removing the child is punishment to the child mixed with the desire to let the other shoppers have a quieter experience.  What if it is not the child's fault?

Consider this situation (which may be based on a true story that happened to me......)

Your baby is asleep in his car seat in the basket of the cart.  You quietly push him through the store and carefully place items around his car seat so that he won't wake up.  Everything is a success as you push your cart into the check-out lane with your baby still sleeping soundly in the cart.  As you start to unload, a roast about half the weight of your baby slips out of your hand and drops onto his lap, startling him awake, and he bursts into a crying scream.  The what do you do?  I chose to quickly explain to those around me what happened and try to calm him down as I hurried and paid.  Why should I "punish" him for crying when it wasn't his fault?  True it was loud, but it wasn't his fault.

So after this lady left my line tonight I started to think.  What if a different perspective would make her situation look completely different.  Her small daughter was devouring the cookie kind of like she was starving.  Now while she probably wasn't actually physically starving, she may have been really hungry.  So maybe her mother hurried into the store to try to by some quick food because her children were really hungry and she didn't have an immediate way to feed them?  I don't know if a cookie is the best thing to eat in that situation, but what if the situation was true.  The mother couldn't walk into the store and feed her child something and the then leave without paying.  She would have had to finish what she was doing.

Most situations can look completely different if seen through different eyes (or different colored glasses if you will).  Mothers usually have a pretty strong belief that their way of parenting is what other mothers should be doing.  But what if reality is different and my way of parenting is not applicable in another mother's situation?  So my conclusion is that I should try to consider a different perspective and keep my mouth shut regarding what others should do with their children.  As long as the child is not in danger, I need to remember that I don't actually know what is going on therefore am not capable of judging fairly.

The Power of Love

As I sit here writing this post, my son is asleep on my lap and my heart is full of love for him.  I love hold him while he sleeps.  I love his little angelic face with his long eyelashes.  I love when he stirs and his thumb makes his way to his mouth.  I love how when he whimpers from a bad dream that all I have to do is touch his cheek and he relaxes again.  It brings tears to my eyes to think about how special this little boy is and how magical it is to be his mother.

While we were going through our trial of waiting for him my husband asked me on multiple occasions if my strong desire to have a child meant that he was not enough for me.  How does one even answer that question?  We are on this earth to have families and there was a place in my heart that felt empty.  An empty spot that I knew a child, this little boy, could only fill.  My husband fills the spouse spot completely.  But deep down in my soul I knew that there was supposed to be a baby in our house and that spot would not be filled until we were able to welcome a child into our house.  And now that he is here the love I have for him has gushed into that empty spot and I don't feel empty there anymore.

The other day I was thinking about this and had a thought pop into my head.  If my empty spot is filled then what about subsequent children?  No let me make one thing perfectly clear.  We are not working on a second child right now.  I am not wanting to get pregnant soon.  That is not what I am saying.  It was this weird random thought as I considered how many things in my future would go.  So what I wonder is, when it comes the time to welcome a second child into my family how will the increase of love happen?  Will my heart expand again and I will feel another empty spot?  Or will the current space in my heart just be more concentrated with love?  Of course my heart is not going to physically grow, but will my metaphorical heart that houses my emotions grow?

Considering the love and happiness that is in our home as a result of our son, it is hard to imagine it being humanly possible to add more to it.  But somehow it is.  My sisters both have 3 kids, my mother has 8.  It must come more from the spiritual factor of God allowing us to have an increase capability to handle emotions, even beyond what seems humanly possible.  I guess time really will only tell how it will go.

Please take time to comment on how you feel about your children.  Did you ever experience these feelings as a first time mom (wondering how you will fit more love in your heart)?  Moms of multiple kids, how did it go for you when adding subsequent children to your families?

Remembering

Today is Memorial Day.  The day that is set aside to remember those who have died in battle.  Those who have died trying to gain or protect freedom for someone.  What a selfless act to die in behalf of someone else!  A dying soldier never gets to see the fruits of their efforts and never gets to receive thanks for what they sacrificed while in this life.  I have always been in awe of those men and women.  I am in awe of a coworker of mine who, at the young age of 16, knows that she wants to be part of the military to honor those who have gone before and to serve her country.  I am also in awe every time I drive down a certain street by my in-law's house that was renamed for a soldier who lost his life in a recent battle.  These men and women are special and filled special purposes on this earth.

I would like to take a moment to remember those who have gone before, fighting for what is right in expense of their very lives.

On the topic of remembrance, there are other things that we as mothers should remember.  Of course we need to remember to feed the kids, take them to school, pick them up, do grocery shopping, change the baby's diaper, clean the house, the list goes on.  But while we are running around it is often hard to forget to notice the fruits of our labors: the hugs, the smiles, the well feed tummies, and content children.  It is easy to forget that we are special, and smart, and loving, and not just a robot that goes through all of the motions.  When I look in my son's eyes I see his love for me and I know that what I do is appreciated and that I am loved.

The other day I was showing my son some Sesame Street videos and discovered the below video.  It is an awesome message for children.  But, I was also impressed with how great the message is also for mothers.  Remember that you and your children have great talents and do great work.  You can achieve your dreams and help foster the dreams of your children.  You have a mighty potential.  What you are is SPECIAL.

Balancing Activities and Family Life

Over the last few years my husband and I have had many conversations about what to do if our children want to participate in outside of the home activities.  By this I mean activities such as sports, music lessons, clubs, etc where the child mostly participates with people who are not part of their family.  This discussion comes up because of a few reasons:

1.) These activities exist to help enrich children's lives and foster building their talents.  If we have a child that is really good at something I have no idea how to do, then how can we help them build their talents if I can't help them develop the skill?

2.) Activities cost money.  And let's be frankly honest here, there is enough money in the world, but, until I figure something out, there is not a huge supply in my bank account.

3.) Children like to change their minds.  Today the dream might be to be a fireman, but tomorrow it might change into an Olympic bobsledder. And that really could get expensive if we paid for lessons/training in everything a child shows interest in.  (Let me interject a comment here that a child changing there mind is not a negative or bad thing.  This is just all part of the process of becoming the best version of their truest self who is fulfilling their own purpose in life.  Quitting something is an excellent springboard to start something else.)

4.) What about family time?  Desmond Tutu said, "You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  Michael J. Fox said, "Family is not an important thing.  It's everything." (emphasis added) So if family is the most important thing, the it is really the right thing to put my child/future children into so many activities that we are not spending enough time as a family?

The answer lies in finding a good balance.  But that is probably the most tricky part.  It is kind of scary to thing that if my balance is off, I could miss an ideal time to introduce my child to an activity that he could really excel in.  What kind of mother would I be if I let money get in the way?  I have a friend who was once a championship gymnast.  We are talking about leading the University of Utah to their very first national championship.  She almost went to the Olympics (a life changing event prevented her from actually getting there but she would have.)  But, she had to clean the gym in exchange for lessons because their family did not have enough money for that kind of training.

So, here are somethings my husband and I have decided.  There is nothing wrong with letting kids explore what they think they might be interested in.  But, that doesn't mean that we have to pay for it right away.  I know lots of people.  So if I don't know how to do the activity myself, I probably know someone who does.  Then, if they show an aptitude and an increased interest, we can look at moving forward with paid lessons.  Also, children's activities can become family time.  I was in band a lot growing up.  One of my best memories of band was my dad being at every single concert and performance except the All-State Band performance that was too far away for him to come.  That meant a lot to me.  The best cheerleaders can be family.  The last thing we decided is that since family is the most important we have to establish priorities.  There is a difference between one or two activities for a child and fifteen.

So when my son started showing an interest in animals, I took him to a pet store.  Pet stores do not cost money.  We looked at all the animals and he loved it.  So if he keeps showing interest in animals we will take him other places with animals and look at volunteer opportunities and training that might assist him in this love.  But for right now, especially since he is just a baby, we will start small.  We will encourage what he seems to like and let him know that it is okay if he moves on to a different interest.  And eventually he will find the avenues to develop his talents as well as to discover his purpose on this Earth.

What do you think of activities outside of the home?  Do you let your kids do everything they show interest in or are their limitations?

Naughty or Nice?

As some of you know I currently work a few night shifts a week as a cashier at a local grocery store.  I miss my son terribly when I go so I end up spending most of my shift talking to the customers about their children and sneaking in comments about my son whenever possible.  My focus on children allows me to observe things about parenting and about young children.  Frequently the young children of the customers grab candy off of the shelves, beg for toys, and stand up in the shopping cart.  The more I see this, I wonder if the mother the other night who called her toddler son naughty for standing up in the cart is correct.

A bit of a back story here.... I have grown up with the idea that young children who do the right things are good and young children who do the wrong things are naughty.  Right things meaning not crying, not stealing, not complaining, not begging, and generally being a happy and content child.  Wrong things meaning the opposite.  

I don't know how this belief got fostered or what the original source was (i.e. I'm not blaming my parents.  In fact I'm not blaming anyone.  Blame is a pointless game that doesn't get anywhere).  However, two distinct events have caused me to question my belief and whether or not it is true.  The first instance was a realization that dawned on me one day that a young child is not naughty if they cry, they are only trying to communicate.  When my son cries he is trying to tell me that something is wrong or that he wants something that he does not currently have.  If he smiled a giggled when his tummy hurt then I would never know that his tummy hurt since he cannot talk.

The second instance happened at work.  A mother pushed her child through the lane and the child proceeded to pick up a candy from a box on the register and make a move to open it.  Had an adult done this, it would be stealing.  However, it was impressed upon my mind that this young toddler did not know that the candy was for sale and needed to be purchased; she only saw yummy candy.

There is a definition of naughty in the Webster's dictionary that says "guilty of disobedience or misbehavior."  So doesn't it make sense then that in order to be naughty a person must first understand what obedience and behavior is?  And if a child who does not understand obedience and behavior gets called naughty because an adult does not like how they are acting, does that teach the child that their behavior is naughty or does that teach the child that they are naughty?  Do naughty children exist because they desire disobedience and misbehavior or because they believe they are naughty and thereby act in a naughty fashion?

The product of all of these thoughts is a goal, an experiment if you will.  My paradigm shift is that my son is actually being good when he cries.  He is communicating to me that there is a problem.  I am grateful for the communication.  So I tell my son that he is a good boy.  I tell him that it is okay to cry and that it is good to express how he is feeling.  Will it have an effect?  I'm not sure, but my hypothesis is that it will.  With that said, I do know that he will grow into accountability believing that his mother thinks he is good.  Perhaps it will aid him in desiring to do what's right because he will believe that he is a good person.  He has his own agency to make his choices, but perhaps believing he his good will help him to act like he is good.

You more experienced mothers out there.... What do you think of this idea? Do you think that instilling a belief in a child that they are a good person can help them to make right choices?

Time-Outs, Purposes, and a Few Confessions

I am being very brave today.  For some reason I am finding in me to do several things today that a month ago I would have never dreamed of doing.  Like starting this blog and starting with this topic on this blog.  I might as well have an opinion against the norm right out of the gate.  Here it is plan and simple, I don't get the need for a time-out from my son.  (Please remember that this is all my belief and my opinion.)

By time-out I mean planning time to get away from your children to go do something else and actually carrying out the plan.  I am talking about the need and the desire to get away from your children.  Now let's get one thing straight before I continue, I am not judging you if you need time away from your children.  It is not bad and you are not bad.  I'm just saying I don't understand.  I don't bore of my son and no I don't want you to hold him (but I will let you so you can have a relationship with him also).  In fact there are times that I would rather hold him and watch him sleep than sleep myself.  There are probably a few of you out there that are thinking that I don't know what I am talking about since I only have one child who is still a baby and is usually very good tempered.  I can almost hear some of you saying, "Just wait until you have 2 (or 3 or 4 or however many kids you have) and then you will understand the need to get away from the madness!"  Well, I was talking to my mom today about this very subject and she doesn't understand time-outs either.  And she raised 8 kids.....

To be very open and honest here, it took me a while to get my son.  I am going to admit to somethings here that most if not all of you do not know about me and my little family.  Many of you know that I have wanted to be a mom for basically forever, and most of you know it took me a while to get married.  This was not from lack of desire.  Let's be honest and face the facts.  While I think that I am a pretty great person, for most of my life guys have thought that I wasn't worth more than a couple months of their time.  Don't feel sorry for me, I'm over it.  Finally at the ripe old age of almost 29, I got married.  At first it amazed me that there was actually a guy in the world that not only wanted to spend more than a couple months with me and he actually wanted to spend eternity with me.  Score one for me!

Then came the struggle.  After a while we started talking about having kids.  Both of us kind of wanted to wait a year before getting pregnant.  So about a year went by and my desire to be a mom was stronger than ever, so I was good to go.  Or so I thought..... Months went by with no baby.  Perhaps needless to say, this caused a lot of tension in our household.  We even explored the possibility of adoption.  There was even a point that a certain doctor made the comment that my husband would never get me pregnant without some serious fertility treatments.  This is not the time to go into the reasons and back story on that one, but the comment is very important because several months later I did get pregnant without the fertility treatments.  Yes I consider my son to be a MIRACLE.

When he was born it was like a hole in my heart was finally filled.  I really believe that I was born to be my son's mother.  (And mother to any other siblings that he may have in the future.)  The doctor that did my c-section advised me that I needed to have time every week by myself, without my son, or else I would get burned out quickly.  And getting a job did  not count.  This sentiment seems to be shared by many people.  There are blog posts and entire websites associated with the very idea (http://www.mommytimeout.com/, http://mommys-timeout.com/, http://www.thebettermom.com/2013/09/18/5-signs-you-need-a-mommy-time-out/).  So I decided to try it, since everyone said that is what I needed.  And what I found was I was counting the minutes left until I could get back home to my son.  I did not like it.  And as he grew older I found myself finding ways to bring him with me when I go places.  (Disclaimer: He does go to baby sitters some times when my husband and I have a special date or something we have to go to where I cannot figure out a way to bring my son along.)

Still I don't get it.  So I started thinking about it.  Why is it that I don't get it, yet there are so many moms who need it?  I guess it could be my patience level or some other characteristic...... Or maybe it's comes down to purpose.  Everyone is placed on this earth with a purpose.  I have been learning a lot about passion and purpose lately (if you struggle finding yours Conscious Creator by Kris Krohn is an excellent book).  Now there is probably someone thinking, "But I though the purpose and passion of all women is to be a mom.  Isn't that the way it is supposed to be?"  What if it's not?  No let me be very careful when I say that.  All women are supposed to be mothers and bring children to the earth.  That's how they get here.  But what if your actual passion and purpose is something else that you are supposed to do while you are being a mother?  What if I don't understand the need for a time-out because I have been instilled with an immense passion for being a mom and that is my purpose?  Instead of doing my passion while I am a mom, I am living my passion of being a mom while I do something else (right now work at a grocery store).  So I carry on with my passion.  I don't take time-outs from my son.

What are your thoughts?  Do you need time outs?  Do you think that it's possible to have a passion separate from being a mother that is something you do while being a mom?