Helping--Part two (If we don't give, other's can't receive)

Regarding the last post on receiving help when we need it, there is a flip side to this.  How many times have you seen someone who needed help?  Let's specifically talk about mothers needing help since mothering is what this blog is about.  There's the mother who just needs a minute alone and has no one to watch her children, the mother struggling at church with multiple kids, the mother at the grocery store who has to figure out a way to make it through the store in the motorized chair while she keeps track of her children and struggles to put things in the cart, and many more mothers with many more struggles.

So here's the point.  On my last post I discussed needing to accept help, but it is impossible to accept help if there is no one willing to offer help.  As mothers, it is very easy to get wrapped up in the day to day parts of our lives and the shuttling around of children, and look right past that fellow mother who needs help.  

Recently I have been involved with many different events and classes that are self empowering, including finding my purpose.  I don't mean religiously finding why I'm on the earth.  I know why I'm here.  I mean honing in on a particular skill set and talents that I possess to give while I am here.  Or in other words, the particular work I need to be involved with while I'm on the earth.  And as many of you probably know, I believe that I was born to be a mother.  I get immense joy from just spending time with my son.  People have made comments before about just getting through the time of him being a baby to when he will actually be fun.  And I think they are crazy.  I have enjoyed him and his company since day one.  Being his mom was what I was born to do.

But, all these classes have started me thinking.  Is there a slightly broader picture I can take with this?  Something I can do to give back to more people?  After I thought about it for a while something interesting came up.  Since my thing is being a mom, there has to be a way that I can help others in their journey to be better mothers.  And that is how this blog was born.

Here's the thing though.........

The more I thought about it, there was more that came up.

One day it fell into my head this idea.  A non-profit organization with a two fold purpose.  Purpose one being to raise funds to assist mothers in things that they cannot accomplish financially.  Meaning things like having trouble having a baby and needing money for IVF or adoption or simply just not having the money to provide Christmas for the children.  Purpose number two being development of classes that aid mothers in gaining the knowledge and empowerment that they are looking for.  

This is all a little overwhelming though.  It take time and money to do a non-profit........

The gestation of this is going to take a while.....

But then I had another realization.  I can ask for help.  I have a goal to help those who need help, and ironically the solution to being able to help is to ask for help.  So here it is.

Even though I do not have the non-profit set up yet and won't for a while, I can still help someone.  I can still do something small and decide that I want to provide at least part of a Christmas for a family.  And there is this single mother that I want to help.  She had to get out of an abusive relationship.  Her children's father has the genetics that give him a skin color that the children have inherited and gets them teased and looked down on.  Her son has autism.  Her daughter loves to dance but she has no money to pay for lessons.  So she volunteers at the daughter's dance studio in trade for the lessons.  They are struggling and it has been a while since they have actually had a Christmas.  And I want to do it for them.  I'm talking big, like $1000 worth of a Christmas.  But I don't have $1000.  So I am going to do a few things in the next couple months to try to raise $1000 for them.  

So here's what I am asking for.  I need to raise the money since I don't have it.  So if you are interested, I am taking donations.  I am not looking for one person to give me $1000.  What I am looking for is a group of people who can give in small chunks even if it is just $5 chunks.  Let me know if you just want to donate some money and I will set it up.  Or if you are willing to help out with something else, like a bake sale or something, let me know also.  I think this would be really awesome.

I don't have much to offer in return, the non-profit is not set up so I can't even get you a receipt for a tax write off.  You will get the blessings of serving and if you live close enough you are invited to be involved with the actual purchase and drop off of the presents.

Think about.  Let me know through the contact for that I have added on the right side of the blog.  Let your friends who might be interested know.  Together we can make a huge difference in one family's life.

Allowing others to help

UGH.... It's been a month....

Let's just say that there are times when life goes nuts and crazy and hard and you resort to doing the essentials because you are not quite sure you can handle anything else.  And it's those times that allowing others to help and assist where they can is essential.

To many mothers decide that they are the living embodiment of Superwoman and Wonder Woman rolled into one.  They need no help and can handle everything.  While it is true that women are AMAZING and have capabilities FAR BEYOND anything they give themselves credit for, there is a reason why we have each other while we are on earth.  This is not an invitation to slack on responsibilities and pawn your children off on other people.  It is an invitation to consider saying yes when someone offers to help.

Especially when life is hard.

So it light of that, I would like to thank a few people.

A delayed thanks to the woman at Walmart who paid for my stuff when the machine decided to not take my debit card that worked at every other store.  There was money in my account but that did not phase you.  It didn't matter to you if I had a million dollars in my account or if I was negative in my account.  You just saw a young mother who was trying to not get stressed out as she stood there holding her baby and wondering why her debit card would not work.  You made my day.

Thanks to my sister who noticed that I sounded a little down in one of my last blog posts.  Even though I didn't really need to talk about anything, you were the only one that said anything and that really means a lot to me that you reached out and offered to listen.

And lastly, thanks to a new friend of mine who emailed me with an offer to help the morning after I was up late with a sleepless baby, praying for help.  You are the answer to a prayer and I am really grateful for your offer.  You and your husband are good people.

So the lesson of the last month is that I am not Superwoman.  And as awesome as it would be to be Wonder Woman so I could have her invisible jet, I'm not her either.  I do my best and that is good.  I am an awesome mother and I am grateful for the support systems in my life.  And I take the time to offer to help those people that I can.  We are truly a network of women who are amazing when we work together.  Together we are a superhero.

My Mini Accountability Partner

Let's be honest and get real here.  I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  I did not want to go for a run.  Left to myself I probably would have rather drowned myself in chocolate while watching reruns of some terrible show.  But, that's not what happened today.

If you are wondering why I did not give in and call it a day before the day even started, it's because I have this adorably cute mini accountability partner.

He needed to get out of bed and eat breakfast so I got out of bed and ate breakfast (and no it did not include chocolate).  He loves to go outside, so we went for a run. And while I was at it I figured I might as well take a shower so he doesn't have to snuggle up to my stinky sweat all day.  And since I got clean I figured I might as well get ready for work and go to work since my sweet little boy does need diapers and wipes and such.

So as I end the day today I am going to admit that it wasn't necessarily my best day and I wasn't supermom today but it went a whole lot better than it could have.  I actually made healthy choices and did things that I was supposed to do (I even loaded the dishwasher!) because of a little boy, my little boy.

There are many things about the last dayish that I do not want to do again, but as I get ready to go to bed I do feel an immense amount of gratitude for my son.  God, in His divine wisdom, saw it fit that I have a dear sweet little boy as my son for many reasons.  Today, one reason, was so that I could be a functioning person and not completely loose it.  When I need to have someone around he was there to snuggle and play and read books and do music time.  Earlier I wrote about how I am the perfect mom for him, and today I gained a better realization that he is the perfect son for me.

I am so grateful.

Mommy Lesson From My Mentor (no he doesn't know I'm doing this and yes I said he)

About a week ago I was in the middle of a high adventure ropes course have my life changed and standing next to my mentor's wife, I looked over and saw him calming a baby.  We were all walking across things and climbing other things and facing fear and doing the amazing.  I made a million memories but one of my top ones did not involve walking on fire, breaking arrows over my throat, walking on glass, or jumping out of trees.  One that made the top of my list was watching my tall, incredibly in shape, very dynamic mentor take a moment and calm a little baby.

There is something so special about babies that a multi-millionaire would take a moment of his time to hold one that doesn't even belong to him.  During that three day intensive course we talked a lot about reaching our full potential, living our true purpose, and eradicating limiting beliefs that hold us back.  I feel like I made great strides in my own personal life during those three days.

So what does this have to do with babies?

At one point my mentor held up the same baby during lecture time and spoke about how pure she is.  She doesn't have a bunch of limiting beliefs.  If we become like her (or any baby for that matter) then we strip away all of the mess that is imposed on us from the world and ourselves and become more pure beings who can live our true purposes more inline with promptings and intuition.

So what does this have to do with mothers?

I left these three days with a stronger desire and commitment to work on myself, but also a stronger desire and commitment to be a better mother.  I consider myself to be a quite good mother, but I've had a realization that due to my limits on my skills I can inadvertently cause some negative effects on my son.  I know that I am doing my best and that my best is good, however, I now have a desire to learn more and function better as a mother so my best can be even better.  I know that there is no way that I can be perfect but as long as I am striving to live true to what I know is right then I will be doing my best.  And that will have more of a positive effect on my son than a negative effect.

The more I become aware of this and desire this, the more I see around me evidence of mothers unconsciously creating situations that could cause problems later.  We sometimes get ourselves so wrapped up in our limiting beliefs that it causes us to project them on to others.  For example, have you ever seen a mother who is obviously stressed and not able to share what is stressing her out chastise or ignore her child because the child is crying?  Her inability to communicate shuts out her child who really is just trying to communicate.  Then as the child grows older they learn that they can't communicate in the natural way so the crying because whines and eventually the parents are shut out from the feelings of their children.

But before you feel too bad, please remember that there was probably an event in your past that caused you to feel the way you do.  This is not necessarily about pointing blame somewhere.  It's about breaking the cycle.  It's about shedding your limiting beliefs so that you can be there for your children in a more whole state.  It's about consciously creating the best mothering skills you possibly have to help consciously mold the best children possible.

Teething

The dreaded eight letter word.  Forget four letter words..... For most moms the scariest word has eight letters.

Teething....

The fun process of watching your child cry as a mouthful of teeth push through their swollen little gums.  It's like wisdom teeth but in your baby and on and off for months.  Some mom struggle with teething because they can't stand the crying for that long.  It sets off a chain reaction for some women that ends up with them wanting to leave the house and not come back or hide in a corner of a sound proofed room, eating chocolate.

But handling crying appropriately is another post for another day.  Because teething is not just about crying.  Your poor baby suddenly can't sleep as well because his mouth hurts.  And he won't eat certain things because his gums hurt.  And if he swallows too much mucus from his now runny nose then there is a great risk of throw up resembling Mount Vesuvius coming out of his dear little mouth.  And add all that up and what do you get?  A helpless little baby who doesn't know how to handle all the pain and is very particular about who holds him and how long he is held and if he lets you put him down then how far you are allowed to be away from him.

Before we get too far into the negatives of the blessed time of life, let's not forget that this blog is about the magic times of mommy-hood.  And I strongly believe that there is a way to have most if not all of the times be magical.  So where does teething come into play?

Honestly, I don't get all stressed from an inability to handle side effects of teething.  I have never wanted to hide in the corner and eat chocolate.  Somehow I was blessed with the ability to hear crying without getting all stressed out and then to calm a crying child.  However, even though I can handle the side effects without much stress, I still don't love this time in my son's life.  And the reason is because it hurts my heart to see him in pain.  He handles it pretty good compared to what I hear from other moms, but it still makes me want to cry to see him in pain.

But there are positives.  Since I love my son and love being with him, it is a huge bonus to me that he has become even more of a momma's boy since all of this started.  True I don't get much more done around the house, but I do get more snuggles from the cutest little baby around.  And I count it as a positive that I am better developing my ability to sense what he wants.  Because when a baby is teething he becomes very particular about what he wants.  And I count my blessings that he could be worse.  He really is a good little boy.  He has just become my buddy even more.  And I love that!

So bring on the teeth!  And once they are all in and he is old enough we'll sit around and eat chocolate together!

Protecting what matters most

In Memory of Katie Hancock

Last Thursday was a rough night for the city that I live in.  A horrible accident happened that took the life of an innocent 15 year-old.  Even though I never met her, she has been on my mind a lot the last few days.  I can't even imagine how her dear family feels right now.  I cannot imagine what her mother is going through. All I know is that I am so grateful to have a healthy and happy son right now and that my heart goes out to the Hancock family as they laid their lovely daughter to rest today.

As I think about the past events of the last few days I can't help but think about the value our children have in our lives and what we as mothers would be willing to do to protect them.  I know I am fiercely protective of my son.  Last Sunday he rolled off of the bed and it took me a while to stop shaking once I picked him up and settled him down.  I felt terrible that I did not take better precautions to protect him better.  And I know once he gets older it will just be more and more that I desire to protect him from.  And that gets me thinking about how to handle it when I cannot protect him from everything.

I cannot protect him from the actions of others.  I will not be able to be standing by him for every decision he makes in his life to protect him.  I cannot protect him in all situations that he will be in.  And that makes a part of me want to wrap him up in bubble wrap and not let him ever leave the house.  But that is not the point of life.

So then what do we do?

So I teach my son what is right and what is wrong.  I assist in instilling in him a desire to do what is right. I teach him about the world so that he might be protected from what comes his way.  And during and after I do all that I can, I can get down on my knees and pray for his protection.  And maybe this will help me to be able to trust that when I send him out of the door that nothing will happen unless it is supposed to and trust that I have taught him well how to make good decisions.  And maybe, just maybe, it will be slightly easier if he ever breaks his arm or runs into a tough situation.  Maybe it will be a little bit easier to not blame myself and to just move on.

I am just..... Creating Limitations

Our minds are very powerful.  We create realities off of what we believe and beliefs off of what we think and say.  So why do we limit ourselves?

The other day a customer came through my line at work and she said something.....

"I have just two kids."

That little word, "just," drives we crazy sometimes.  Interestingly enough, the customer picked up on the connotation behind her sentence right after she said it.  She does not "just" have to kids.  She has two kids.  There is no reason to limit and down play what she does and what she has.  Having two kids is awesome!  Two kids is so much more than having zero kids.  But for some reason, women feel the need to create limitations on what they do just because it does not seem as grandiose as what other women do.  This is especially prevalent when a woman becomes a mother.  A woman might know another woman who is able to do it all, who has a job and kids.  Then she describes herself as "just" a stay at home mom.  Do you know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom?  Those of you who are stay at home moms do.  And those of you that are stay at home moms might what to consider that the mother with a job might be jealous of you.

In the end it doesn't matter what other mothers do.  You are special and important based off of what you do.  The comparison is not necessary.

And that little word "just" should be deleted from the vocabulary of mothers.  You are not just something and you do not have just something.  It is okay to feel like there is a void in your life that needs to be filled.  Someday I hope to have more children.  But right now I am not "just" the mother of one child.  That creates limitations for me and what I want for the future may never come to pass if I believe that I am "just" the mother of one child.  What I am is the awesome mother of an amazing little boy who loves the stage of life she is in and is grateful for every moment.  And the more I live up to that, the more I give myself permission to expand on that and eventually I will have more children.  I have the power to live a more limitless life.