Over the last few years my husband and I have had many conversations about what to do if our children want to participate in outside of the home activities. By this I mean activities such as sports, music lessons, clubs, etc where the child mostly participates with people who are not part of their family. This discussion comes up because of a few reasons:
1.) These activities exist to help enrich children's lives and foster building their talents. If we have a child that is really good at something I have no idea how to do, then how can we help them build their talents if I can't help them develop the skill?
2.) Activities cost money. And let's be frankly honest here, there is enough money in the world, but, until I figure something out, there is not a huge supply in my bank account.
3.) Children like to change their minds. Today the dream might be to be a fireman, but tomorrow it might change into an Olympic bobsledder. And that really could get expensive if we paid for lessons/training in everything a child shows interest in. (Let me interject a comment here that a child changing there mind is not a negative or bad thing. This is just all part of the process of becoming the best version of their truest self who is fulfilling their own purpose in life. Quitting something is an excellent springboard to start something else.)
4.) What about family time? Desmond Tutu said, "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Michael J. Fox said, "Family is not an important thing. It's everything." (emphasis added) So if family is the most important thing, the it is really the right thing to put my child/future children into so many activities that we are not spending enough time as a family?
The answer lies in finding a good balance. But that is probably the most tricky part. It is kind of scary to thing that if my balance is off, I could miss an ideal time to introduce my child to an activity that he could really excel in. What kind of mother would I be if I let money get in the way? I have a friend who was once a championship gymnast. We are talking about leading the University of Utah to their very first national championship. She almost went to the Olympics (a life changing event prevented her from actually getting there but she would have.) But, she had to clean the gym in exchange for lessons because their family did not have enough money for that kind of training.
So, here are somethings my husband and I have decided. There is nothing wrong with letting kids explore what they think they might be interested in. But, that doesn't mean that we have to pay for it right away. I know lots of people. So if I don't know how to do the activity myself, I probably know someone who does. Then, if they show an aptitude and an increased interest, we can look at moving forward with paid lessons. Also, children's activities can become family time. I was in band a lot growing up. One of my best memories of band was my dad being at every single concert and performance except the All-State Band performance that was too far away for him to come. That meant a lot to me. The best cheerleaders can be family. The last thing we decided is that since family is the most important we have to establish priorities. There is a difference between one or two activities for a child and fifteen.
So when my son started showing an interest in animals, I took him to a pet store. Pet stores do not cost money. We looked at all the animals and he loved it. So if he keeps showing interest in animals we will take him other places with animals and look at volunteer opportunities and training that might assist him in this love. But for right now, especially since he is just a baby, we will start small. We will encourage what he seems to like and let him know that it is okay if he moves on to a different interest. And eventually he will find the avenues to develop his talents as well as to discover his purpose on this Earth.
What do you think of activities outside of the home? Do you let your kids do everything they show interest in or are their limitations?
1 comment:
There is more to developing talents than interest. Most children will want to do some activity at the beginning when it is fun and it comes easily. As soon as they get to the part where it is difficult or they haven't developed the skills for it yet they loose interest. Kids that start music early usually learn by ear and not by reading because most kids don't have the skills to read that fluently that early.
That means explore a lot with community education opportunities, libraries, etc. attend plays when they are age appropriate, games and concerts. Children will follow your example. If you love playing music and play for them, they will want to follow you. If you try to get them to follow your dreams that you were never able to realize, they will fight you in every way they can.
One of my children didn't show promise in music lessons until after they were 13. That summer they practiced 6 -8 hours everyday. Now they play as the ward pianist/organist. She said she didn't have any desire for piano before because she hated the pieces from method books. Her first piece was 5 octaves and 4 sharps with runs. Before taking piano she had been involved with gymnastics, but with gymnastics you start once a week, but it soon turns into multiple days if you are any good and lots of money and time. She ran out of time to progress and she was getting into high school and joined cross country so we switched tracks so to speak.
You have to ask what kind of mother do you want to be? Asians gave a much different philosophy towards development and require there children in a very regimented home to take certain lessons so that they can excel. As you can tell my way was to make it enjoyable enough that they would pursue it on their own eventually. We worked out things out together. We had goals. My piano goals were that it be something they could enjoy and that they learn enough to serve in the church. I had to practice myself and play fun pieces so they would naturally want to follow.
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