Naughty or Nice?

As some of you know I currently work a few night shifts a week as a cashier at a local grocery store.  I miss my son terribly when I go so I end up spending most of my shift talking to the customers about their children and sneaking in comments about my son whenever possible.  My focus on children allows me to observe things about parenting and about young children.  Frequently the young children of the customers grab candy off of the shelves, beg for toys, and stand up in the shopping cart.  The more I see this, I wonder if the mother the other night who called her toddler son naughty for standing up in the cart is correct.

A bit of a back story here.... I have grown up with the idea that young children who do the right things are good and young children who do the wrong things are naughty.  Right things meaning not crying, not stealing, not complaining, not begging, and generally being a happy and content child.  Wrong things meaning the opposite.  

I don't know how this belief got fostered or what the original source was (i.e. I'm not blaming my parents.  In fact I'm not blaming anyone.  Blame is a pointless game that doesn't get anywhere).  However, two distinct events have caused me to question my belief and whether or not it is true.  The first instance was a realization that dawned on me one day that a young child is not naughty if they cry, they are only trying to communicate.  When my son cries he is trying to tell me that something is wrong or that he wants something that he does not currently have.  If he smiled a giggled when his tummy hurt then I would never know that his tummy hurt since he cannot talk.

The second instance happened at work.  A mother pushed her child through the lane and the child proceeded to pick up a candy from a box on the register and make a move to open it.  Had an adult done this, it would be stealing.  However, it was impressed upon my mind that this young toddler did not know that the candy was for sale and needed to be purchased; she only saw yummy candy.

There is a definition of naughty in the Webster's dictionary that says "guilty of disobedience or misbehavior."  So doesn't it make sense then that in order to be naughty a person must first understand what obedience and behavior is?  And if a child who does not understand obedience and behavior gets called naughty because an adult does not like how they are acting, does that teach the child that their behavior is naughty or does that teach the child that they are naughty?  Do naughty children exist because they desire disobedience and misbehavior or because they believe they are naughty and thereby act in a naughty fashion?

The product of all of these thoughts is a goal, an experiment if you will.  My paradigm shift is that my son is actually being good when he cries.  He is communicating to me that there is a problem.  I am grateful for the communication.  So I tell my son that he is a good boy.  I tell him that it is okay to cry and that it is good to express how he is feeling.  Will it have an effect?  I'm not sure, but my hypothesis is that it will.  With that said, I do know that he will grow into accountability believing that his mother thinks he is good.  Perhaps it will aid him in desiring to do what's right because he will believe that he is a good person.  He has his own agency to make his choices, but perhaps believing he his good will help him to act like he is good.

You more experienced mothers out there.... What do you think of this idea? Do you think that instilling a belief in a child that they are a good person can help them to make right choices?