As I sit here writing this post, my son is asleep on my lap and my heart is full of love for him. I love hold him while he sleeps. I love his little angelic face with his long eyelashes. I love when he stirs and his thumb makes his way to his mouth. I love how when he whimpers from a bad dream that all I have to do is touch his cheek and he relaxes again. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how special this little boy is and how magical it is to be his mother.
While we were going through our trial of waiting for him my husband asked me on multiple occasions if my strong desire to have a child meant that he was not enough for me. How does one even answer that question? We are on this earth to have families and there was a place in my heart that felt empty. An empty spot that I knew a child, this little boy, could only fill. My husband fills the spouse spot completely. But deep down in my soul I knew that there was supposed to be a baby in our house and that spot would not be filled until we were able to welcome a child into our house. And now that he is here the love I have for him has gushed into that empty spot and I don't feel empty there anymore.
The other day I was thinking about this and had a thought pop into my head. If my empty spot is filled then what about subsequent children? No let me make one thing perfectly clear. We are not working on a second child right now. I am not wanting to get pregnant soon. That is not what I am saying. It was this weird random thought as I considered how many things in my future would go. So what I wonder is, when it comes the time to welcome a second child into my family how will the increase of love happen? Will my heart expand again and I will feel another empty spot? Or will the current space in my heart just be more concentrated with love? Of course my heart is not going to physically grow, but will my metaphorical heart that houses my emotions grow?
Considering the love and happiness that is in our home as a result of our son, it is hard to imagine it being humanly possible to add more to it. But somehow it is. My sisters both have 3 kids, my mother has 8. It must come more from the spiritual factor of God allowing us to have an increase capability to handle emotions, even beyond what seems humanly possible. I guess time really will only tell how it will go.
Please take time to comment on how you feel about your children. Did you ever experience these feelings as a first time mom (wondering how you will fit more love in your heart)? Moms of multiple kids, how did it go for you when adding subsequent children to your families?
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