Independent or Slave?

For most women there is a period of time in between childhood and being a mom.  As a single adult/newly married but not yet pregnant adult, we often time develop a strong sense of independence.  Many relish the time as a time of independence where they can make their own decisions and not have to be bound to what other people want.  I remember my grandmother telling me that she loved the time between getting married and when she had children because my grandfather would go to work and she was free to do whatever she wanted to.

It is understandable why some women would feel this way.  On the surface it looks like we go from free to go anywhere we want and do anything we want to being bound by soccer practices, diaper changes, dinner time, homework, snacks, school carpools, and more.  This overview really does make it look like a woman goes from being free to being a slave.  We as mothers can often feel like we are bound by the wished of our children.  And then, when all you energy is gone, you husband is going to want something.  There is little time left for manicures and women's night out to the movies.

But is it really that way?

When I dive a little further into it, I start to wonder if it is actually the other way around.  Does having a child actually makes us more free and happy?  True we are not technically "independent" since we are no longer doing things alone, but we are not slaves.

First off, for most of us we chose to be in our situation.  I don't know too many slaves in history who found a master and said, "Oh will you please make me your slave?  I really want to be under your control and be your slave."  It just didn't happen.  (And if any of you are thinking that you technically didn't choose to have a child because the pregnancy was a surprise.... well someone had to participate in the act that got you pregnant in the first place....)

And let's look at the child's activities that make us feel so enslaved in the first place.  The diaper got changed because you chose to change it rather than let it leak all over the place, you child goes to soccer practice because you choose to let him or her be on the team, you drive for carpool because you chose to be part of a carpool so that you don't have to drive every day, and you choose to help your child with homework so that they can get a better grade.  Everything we do in life is still because we choose to do it.  

Here's what the real difference is.

As a mother I have the choice to do things that make a real difference.  True I could do to the movies before any time I wanted, but me going to the movies does not actually make any difference in the world.  But, when I choose to help my son become a good person, that makes a difference in the world.  I now have the freedom to choose what I want to do with my son and thus how I want to help him grow up.  I am not his slave, I am one to lead him and guide him and walk with him down the path that hopefully leads to him becoming a successful adult who makes a difference in the world.

I am amazed at one of my sisters who home schools her children.  Not because she has the patience to be her children's teacher, but because she is choosing to take the time to make a difference in her children's lives and therefore change the world.

My own mother has made a huge impact on the world through her eight children.  We are now all in different places in our lives, but we are all educated and able to think for ourselves.  We are capable of getting jobs if needed and all of her daughters are now mothers, making their own impact on the world.

My same grandmother who relished the time before having children is now gone.  But, before she passed she was once free to do whatever she wanted again.  My grandfather has already passed and no one else lived with her.  But, she now was focused on something else.  She always wanted to know what we were all doing and often said that she didn't like how we lived so far apart.  She saw the fruits of her choices and saw what a real difference in the world she was able to make.