I am being very brave today. For some reason I am finding in me to do several things today that a month ago I would have never dreamed of doing. Like starting this blog and starting with this topic on this blog. I might as well have an opinion against the norm right out of the gate. Here it is plan and simple, I don't get the need for a time-out from my son. (Please remember that this is all my belief and my opinion.)
By time-out I mean planning time to get away from your children to go do something else and actually carrying out the plan. I am talking about the need and the desire to get away from your children. Now let's get one thing straight before I continue, I am not judging you if you need time away from your children. It is not bad and you are not bad. I'm just saying I don't understand. I don't bore of my son and no I don't want you to hold him (but I will let you so you can have a relationship with him also). In fact there are times that I would rather hold him and watch him sleep than sleep myself. There are probably a few of you out there that are thinking that I don't know what I am talking about since I only have one child who is still a baby and is usually very good tempered. I can almost hear some of you saying, "Just wait until you have 2 (or 3 or 4 or however many kids you have) and then you will understand the need to get away from the madness!" Well, I was talking to my mom today about this very subject and she doesn't understand time-outs either. And she raised 8 kids.....
To be very open and honest here, it took me a while to get my son. I am going to admit to somethings here that most if not all of you do not know about me and my little family. Many of you know that I have wanted to be a mom for basically forever, and most of you know it took me a while to get married. This was not from lack of desire. Let's be honest and face the facts. While I think that I am a pretty great person, for most of my life guys have thought that I wasn't worth more than a couple months of their time. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm over it. Finally at the ripe old age of almost 29, I got married. At first it amazed me that there was actually a guy in the world that not only wanted to spend more than a couple months with me and he actually wanted to spend eternity with me. Score one for me!
Then came the struggle. After a while we started talking about having kids. Both of us kind of wanted to wait a year before getting pregnant. So about a year went by and my desire to be a mom was stronger than ever, so I was good to go. Or so I thought..... Months went by with no baby. Perhaps needless to say, this caused a lot of tension in our household. We even explored the possibility of adoption. There was even a point that a certain doctor made the comment that my husband would never get me pregnant without some serious fertility treatments. This is not the time to go into the reasons and back story on that one, but the comment is very important because several months later I did get pregnant without the fertility treatments. Yes I consider my son to be a MIRACLE.
When he was born it was like a hole in my heart was finally filled. I really believe that I was born to be my son's mother. (And mother to any other siblings that he may have in the future.) The doctor that did my c-section advised me that I needed to have time every week by myself, without my son, or else I would get burned out quickly. And getting a job did not count. This sentiment seems to be shared by many people. There are blog posts and entire websites associated with the very idea (http://www.mommytimeout.com/, http://mommys-timeout.com/, http://www.thebettermom.com/2013/09/18/5-signs-you-need-a-mommy-time-out/). So I decided to try it, since everyone said that is what I needed. And what I found was I was counting the minutes left until I could get back home to my son. I did not like it. And as he grew older I found myself finding ways to bring him with me when I go places. (Disclaimer: He does go to baby sitters some times when my husband and I have a special date or something we have to go to where I cannot figure out a way to bring my son along.)
Still I don't get it. So I started thinking about it. Why is it that I don't get it, yet there are so many moms who need it? I guess it could be my patience level or some other characteristic...... Or maybe it's comes down to purpose. Everyone is placed on this earth with a purpose. I have been learning a lot about passion and purpose lately (if you struggle finding yours Conscious Creator by Kris Krohn is an excellent book). Now there is probably someone thinking, "But I though the purpose and passion of all women is to be a mom. Isn't that the way it is supposed to be?" What if it's not? No let me be very careful when I say that. All women are supposed to be mothers and bring children to the earth. That's how they get here. But what if your actual passion and purpose is something else that you are supposed to do while you are being a mother? What if I don't understand the need for a time-out because I have been instilled with an immense passion for being a mom and that is my purpose? Instead of doing my passion while I am a mom, I am living my passion of being a mom while I do something else (right now work at a grocery store). So I carry on with my passion. I don't take time-outs from my son.
What are your thoughts? Do you need time outs? Do you think that it's possible to have a passion separate from being a mother that is something you do while being a mom?
3 comments:
I love being a mom. And yes 8 glorious years later I am still counting the minutes to get home to my boy. If I am crazy, I will take take it!
Love ya girlie!
There is opposition in all things. I know mothers who have needed breaks just because they have had so many children so close together and not all children are as calm as yours. These are mothers who are just as passionate about being a mother, but the task exceeds their emotional or physical abilities. These mothers know that a little break would help, but they usually are slow to accept because they don't want to be away from their children. It is not a guilt trip about not being there it is that passion for motherhood. If you don't have family around, it can be very difficult for those moms. What I would suggest to those mothers is not to wait for burn-out to get help but also to realize what your needs really are and work with others so that those needs are met. By avoiding burnout, you will find it easier to remain calm and not loose your temper. But there are options as well. A mothers helper who allow the mother to stay with her children while sharing the chores together can the burdens of constant contact.
You do make a good point, You are taking time away when you go out with your husband. You are getting the break that your doctor recommends but you are doing it naturally. One thing I mentioned to a mother worrying about mothering the way she was suppose to as recommended by baby books. I told her children have become successful adults from being raised in many different ways. I tried to give her the confidence to follow her intuition. I think of intuition is the inspiration from the Lord that he gives us to help us care for our children. If you follow that instead of trying to follow some exact rules, you will take breaks naturally, along with everything else that comes along with raising children. I know that your mom, while not feeling the need to have time out, was not so attached to you that she wasn't uncomfortable about leaving you as activities required either. Don't you think that is a good balance?
Children are raised well in a variety of ways. To clarify more, I don't actually consider myself following what the doctor recommended. We go out each week but my son come with us most of the time. The times I don't take him involve almost crying on my part as we drive away from the babysitter. I don't go because I need a break from my son. I go because there is a part of me that remembers that I need to take care of my husband also. I go because my marriage is important also. Everyone does need to find their own balance. It is all about what each person needs. That is the point.
By passion, I am not suggesting that some mothers are not passionate about their children. I am saying that each person is put on the earth with a true purpose. All women are supposed to be mothers, but I can't help but think that there are some women who have other things that they need to be doing while they are mothers to make amazing contributions in the world. Each mother has her limitations but each mother also has amazing abilities and amazing talents. Some have talents in addition to be a mother. That doesn't take away from them being a mother at all.
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